We are your linguistic nightmare, your linguistic aberration, your linguistic mestizaje , the subject of your burla. Because we speak with tongues of fire we are culturally crucified. Chicanas who grew up speaking Chicano Spanish have internalized the belief that we speak poor Spanish. It is illegitimate, a bastard language. And because we internalize how our language has been used against us by the dominant culture, we use our language differences against each other.

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We are your linguistic nightmare, your linguistic aberration, your linguistic mestizaje , the subject of your burla. Because we speak with tongues of fire we are culturally crucified. Chicanas who grew up speaking Chicano Spanish have internalized the belief that we speak poor Spanish. It is illegitimate, a bastard language.

And because we internalize how our language has been used against us by the dominant culture, we use our language differences against each other. Chicana feminists often skirt around each other with suspicion and hesitation. For the longest time I couldn't figure it out. Then it dawned on me. To be close to another Chicana is like looking into the mirror.

We are afraid of what we'll see there. Low estimation of self. In childhood we are told that our language is wrong. Repeated attacks on our native tongue diminish our sense of self. The attacks continue throughout our lives. Chicanas feel uncomfortable talking in Spanish to Latinas, afraid of their censure. Their language was not outlawed in their countries. They had a whole lifetime of being immersed in their native tongue; generations, centuries in which Spanish was a first language, taught in school, heard on radio and TV, and read in the newspaper.

If a person, Chicana or Latina, has a low estimation of my native tongue, she also has a low estimation of me. Often with mexicanas y latinas we'll speak English as a neutral language. Even among Chicanas we tend to speak English at parties or conferences. Yet, at the same time, we're afraid the other will think we are agringadas because we don't speak Chicano Spanish. We oppress each other trying to out Chicano each other, vying to be the "real" Chicanas, to speak like Chicanos.

There is no one Chicano language just as there is no one Chicano experience. A monolingual Chicana whose first language is English or Spanish is just as much a Chicana as one who speaks several varieties of Spanish. Chicano Spanish is as diverse linguistically as it is regionally. By the end of this century, Spanish speakers will comprise the biggest minority group in the U.

So, if you want to really hurt me, talk badly about my language. Ethnic identity is twin skin to linguistic identity--I am my language. Until I can take pride in my language, I cannot take pride in myself. Until I am free to write bilingually and to switch codes without having always to translate, while I still have to speak English or Spanish when I would rather speak Spanglish, and as long as I have to accommodate the English speakers rather than having them accommodate me, my tongue will be illegitimate.

I will no longer be made to feel ashamed of existing. I will have my voice. Indian, Spanish, white. I will have my serpent's tongue--my woman's voice, my sexual voice, my poet's voice. I will overcome the tradition of silence. My fingers move sly against your palm Like women everywhere, we speak in code Identity is the essential core of who we are as individuals, the conscious experience of the self inside.

Nosotros los Chicanos straddle the borderlands. On one side of us, we are constantly exposed to the Spanish of the Mexicans, on the other side we hear the Anglos' incessant clamoring so that we forget our language. We say nosotros los mexicanos by mexicanos we do not mean citizens of Mexico; we do not mean a national identity, but a racial one.

We distinguish between mexicanos del otro lado and mexicanos de este lado. Deep in our hearts we believe that being Mexican has nothing to do with which country one lives in. Being Mexican is a state of soul not one of mind, not one of citizenship. Neither eagle nor serpent, but both. And like the ocean, neither animal respects borders. Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are. I sometimes will answer "soy mexicana" and at others will say "soy Chicana" or "soy tejana.

As a culture, we call ourselves Spanish when referring to ourselves as a linguistic group and when copping out. It is then that we forget our predominant Indian genes. We are percent Indian. We call ourselves Mexican-American 6 to signify we are neither Mexican nor American, but more the noun "American" than the adjective "Mexican" and when copping out.

Chicanos and other people of color suffer economically for not acculturating. This voluntary yet forced alienation makes for psychological conflict, a kind of dual identity--we don't identify with the Anglo-American cultural values and we don't totally identify with the Mexican cultural values.

We are a synergy of two cultures with various degrees of Mexicanness or Angloness. I have so internalized the borderland conflict that sometimes I feel like one cancels out the other and we are zero, nothing, no one. A veces no soy nada ni nadie. Pero hasta cuando no lo soy, lo soy. With that recognition, we became a distinct people. Something momentous happened to the Chicano soul--we became aware of our reality and acquired a name and a language Chicano Spanish that reflected that reality.

Now that we had a name, some of the fragmented pieces began to fall together--who we were, what we were, how we had evolved. We began to get glimpses of what we might eventually become. Yet the struggle of identities continues, the struggle of borders is our reality still.

One day the inner struggle will cease and a true integration take place. In the meantime, tenemos que hacer la lucha. Los Chicano s, how patient we seem, how very patient. There is the quiet of the Indian about us. When other races have given up their tongue, we've kept ours.

We know what it is to live under the hammer blow of the dominant norteamericano culture. But more than we count the blows, we count the days the weeks the years the centuries the eons until the white laws and commerce and customs will rot in the deserts they've created, lie bleached. Humildes yet proud, quietos yet wild, nosotros los mexicanos-Chicanos will walk by the crumbling ashes as we go about our business.

Stubborn, persevering, impenetrable as stone, yet possessing a malleability that renders us unbreakable, we, the mestizas and mestizos , will remain. We have accepted the fiction that we are Hispanic, that is Spanish, in order to accommodate ourselves to the dominant culture and its abhorrence of Indians.

Women's Voices From the Borderlands , ed. To live in the Borderlands means knowing that the india in you, betrayed for years, is no longer speaking to you, that mexicanas call you rajetas, that denying the Anglo inside you is as bad as having denied the Indian or Black;. Cuando vives en la frontera people walk through you, the wind steals your voice, you're a burra, buey, scapegoat, forerunner of a new race, half and half--both woman and man, neither-- a new gender;.

To live in the Borderlands means to put chile in the borscht, eat whole wheat tortillas, speak Tex Mex with a Brooklyn accent; be stopped by la migra at the border checkpoints;. Living in the Borderlands means you fight hard to resist the gold elixir beckoning from the bottle, the pull of the gun barrel, the rope crushing the hollow of your throat;. In the Borderlands you are the battleground where enemies are kin to each other; you are at home, a stranger, the border disputes have been settled the volley of shots have shattered the truce you are wounded, lost in action dead, fighting back;.

To live in the Borderlands means the mill with the razor white teeth wants to shred off your olive red skin, crush out the kernel, your heart pound you pinch you roll you out smelling like white bread but dead;. To survive the Borderlands you must live sin fronteras be a crossroads.


Borderlands / La Frontera: The New Mestiza

Borderlands is a semi-autobiographical account that contains a mixture of prose and poetry. El otro Mexico que aca hemos construido, el espacio es lo que ha sido territorio nacional. Este el efuerzo de todos nuestros hermanos y latinoamericanos que han sabido progressar. The other Mexico that we have constructed, the space is what has become national territory. This is the work of all our brothers and Latin Americans who have known how to progress. Esos movimientos de rebeldia que tenemos en la sangre nosotros los mexicanos surgen como rios desbocanados en mis venas. Those rebellious movements we Mexicans have in our blood surge like overflowing rivers in my veins.


Must Reads: Borderlands/La Frontera by Gloria Anzaldúa

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